 DEVELOPING SELF-CONFIDENCE THAT SHOWS
By Alice Wheaton of Alice Wheaton & Associates
Beyond a shadow of a doubt successful people are often in a situation where they are
feeling quite insecure inside. The difference that separates them from many people is that
they are not willing to allow their feelings to run their lives.
Feelings are not facts. Just because we may feel incompetent to handle
a particular challenge does not mean that we are incompetent. Successful people are not
necessarily more competent than the average person. They are, however, willing to go
beyond discomfort, and not allow themselves to be controlled.
Those who are willing to work through the difficult times of
self-doubt, self-recrimination, dread, fear and so on, will develop self-respect. After
that, self-confidence becomes a moot point! As a matter of fact, mistakes and failure are
part of the overall plan to help us create a successful life. This is so because periods
of despair, insecurity and fear are actually intervals when inner-core resiliency is
developed. We go forward and then something happens and we hit a low. It is during these
times that we hunker down and go to our hoarded resources. We may feel very insecure, have
low self-confidence and feel needy. The brilliance of this stage is that we become very
'humble' which simply translated means 'teachable'.Then we develop new skills and more
character, which leads us out of the downslide. Our self-respect grows.
How we behave in the midst of a downturn in our lives, if we continue
to trust, behave with care and consideration towards others, even when we're feeling low,
will actually determine our self-esteem. Imagine feeling that you were always perfect in
everything you said and did. Not a very realistic portrayal, is it? And even if it were to
happen that our lives worked out that way, we'd probably be very arrogant or unteachable.
Try having a party sometime where every guest has two names tags from
which they could choose. The first saying, "Hello, my name is and I get it right all
the time. I always feel confident." and the second saying, "Hello, my name is
and I make mistakes sometimes. I sometimes feel insecure." Place the names in two
separate bowls.
The name-tags in the second bowl would probably end up being used
pretty fast. Try to imagine if someone were to walk around with the first name tag; they'd
be shunned because perfectionism is not attractive and neither is arrogance.
Substitute the words 'Self Confidence' with 'Self Respect', because
with the latter comes the former. It is very possible to identify the behaviors which
bring us self-respect. They include telling the unmitigated truth, never touching
dishonest money, doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do, doing what
others don't want to do, etc. When our behaviors are profoundly self-respectful then we're
really impressed with ourselves and we treat others with the same kind of respect.
The real heart-warming benefit is that we have the confidence to
prevent others from treating us with any less respect than we deserve. As a result it is
clear that we do not find ourselves, but rather we create ourselves in our day-to-day acts
of heroics as we hunker down and face life on life's terms. Whatever that looks like for
today.
In the process of growing towards oneself, choose high values and high
ideals. That means of course that the valleys will be a bit deeper than if we choose 'the
easy way out' sort of goals. After the first half of our climb is over it becomes easier
because courage, resiliency and the knowledge become truly ingrained. And it becomes clear
that if we kick in one kilowatt then life provides the other four. Surviving the initial
downturns gives us the power, strength of character and belief in ourselves to face the
next challenge.
When you set high expectations for yourself and practice the required
behaviors over and over again the insecurities will slip away, until you take on a bigger
challenge. This is how life expands for us - life shows up when we declare ourselves in
the game. Everything is out there just waiting to be claimed!
Alice Wheaton speaks at conventions/corporations on
“Business Development by Design instead of by Default.” For a free info package
about her training videos, tapes, books & workshops, call 1.877.542.5423, email awheaton@home.com or visit: www.coldcalling.net |
